The ‘egg’excellent story of Potter Stack

Haley Stack

Potter Stack is in his home. He sits on top of fluffy cotton balls inside a poorly- decorated pot. “Mom decorated my bed today,” Stack said. “Now, it’s not plain and boring.”

Dear Diary,

Hi! My name is Potter Stack, and I’m a newborn baby egg. I was born Jan. 14, 2019, at 7:45 a.m., and let me tell you, it has been a rush. My mom is trying her hardest, but you can tell she doesn’t know how to take care of an egg. I still love her though.

No one ever told me this, but high schools are scary! There are so many kids running around everywhere. Some of them even bumped into me, and I’m just a baby. My mom told me she has to take me with her every day so that she can keep an eye on me. She’s so sweet. I already had to deal with my first bully. Someone called me ugly, and it made me cry. It’s not my fault I look this way! My mom never took an art class, so she couldn’t draw my face very well.

My mom has to go to her next class now, so I’ll tell you more tomorrow!

Love, Potter

Jan. 15, 2019

Dear Diary,

I made friends! Mom let me have two playdates today with some of her friends’ babies. My mom knows a lot of other people that just had babies, too. One of her classes has like 1,000 kids all with babies.

I’ve now had six months of life experience, and I can tell you a lot. I am an expert now.

1. Don’t try and crawl on the ground to get your toys. There’s always a lot of people walking, and their feet are huge and scary.
2. Don’t hold those sharp things with the handles by the metal part. Its really sharp, and mom will freak out on you.
3. Don’t bite people. Just trust me. You may think i’s a term of endearment, but they don’t.
4. Most importantly, do not go to the cafeteria kitchen! They tried to cook me!

I know this is all great advice. You’re welcome world. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you! I went to my mom’s lacrosse practice last night, and let me tell you it’s not a safe place for a baby egg. They were holding these really oversized sticks, and they threw  these heavy yellow balls back and forth and yelled a lot. Nothing happened to me, but I was certainly scared. Mom said she would get me a babysitter, so I don’t have to go back.

Stay beautiful world!

Jan. 16, 2019

Ok, so today has been a lot. It’s my first birthday, and how does my mom celebrate it? By leaving me in the car! Like, what the yolk? It took her an hour to remember me. Guess that shows how much I mean to her. I tried calling EPS (egg protective services), but they said since I’m not an actual baby they can’t really do much for me. Mom said she will make it up to me by getting me a super special gift today.

Guess what! I had an amazing breakfast today. I ate these yellow mushy things. They were so good! How have I lived my first year of life without these things? Someone got mad at my mom for feeding me them, but I don’t understand why.

Mom decorated my bed today, so now it’s not plain and boring. I now have a smiley face on it and polka-dots and zigzags, and it’s just so adorable. I forgave her for leaving me in the car, so we’re all good now.

Stay yolky!

Jan. 17, 2019

It’s my second birthday. Whoop! Whoop! My hair is starting to grow in so my head finally isn’t bald. My buddies were starting to hate on me for that. I’ve started playing with my mom’s phone and doing these cool things they call ”vlogs.” Mom says it isn’t safe for me to have a Youtube channel, and that I’m “too young,” or whatever. She’s so strict. Can she just stop seeing me as a child already?

I’ve started uploading my vlogs to her Snapchat since she won’t let me on Youtube. I’ve gained a pretty good following. I guess you could say I’m famous now.

*Two hours later*

Update – My mom found my vlogs. She was pretty upset about it, but I don’t really understand why. Oh well, guess she’ll always just see me as a little egg.

Alrighty, well, see you tomorrow!

Jan. 18, 2019

This last journal entry is being written by Potter’s mom after his untimely death. I found this ongoing blog of his, and I thought it was appropriate to let the readers know what happened. On Jan. 17, 2019, Potter Stack was involved in an experimental trial gone wrong. He was shattered to pieces by mistake and may now rest in peace.