Now that the 2023 year has come to an end, I have had time to reflect on myself. I noticed that I was hard on myself regarding my schoolwork and social life. I want to make sure that this year I give myself one thing – grace.
When it came to my academics, I would constantly feel like I was not doing enough to study or wasn’t dedicating enough of my time to making sure I got a really high grade. The pressure started to take over when my junior year started because it’s the year that everyone says matters for college. Even though I was studying and preparing for my tests and quizzes almost everyday, it still felt like I wasn’t doing enough. I began to realize that I needed to give myself a break and not worry about making perfect grades all the time regardless of what other grades people were making.
In my friendships, I began to wonder if I was doing enough as a friend. I was constantly making sure that I checked up on them, and I tried to make myself the perfect friend that I could be. Even though I did all of this, I still doubted that I was doing enough for them because there was always that feeling that I was never going to measure up to be the friend that I needed to be. I began to realize how unhealthy this was because while I was trying to be everything to my friends, I wasn’t showing up in the same way for myself. The start of this year has opened my eyes because I finally know that I don’t have to put myself through what I did in the past because no matter what, my friends would always see me as enough for them.
Overall, I learned that it is okay to take a break. I used to constantly feel that if I wasn’t being productive or working on something, I wasn’t achieving anything. For a while, I believed that I hadn’t accomplished anything because I hadn’t made any major successes in my life. When I look back at 2023, I realize that there were actually a lot of things that I achieved, even if it wasn’t a big deal. I noticed that accomplishing little things can be just as important as the big things. Now I look at taking a break as a gift so that I can reflect on what I have done. I also know that I don’t have to be the best at being the best friend all the time. It is okay to not always put my best self forward when it comes to my friends because true friends are there to support you through the hardest and happiest moments in life.
From now on, I am not letting the voice in my head tell me that I am not doing enough. I’m blessed to have family and close friends who remind me that – for them – I am enough, and to me, that’s all that matters.
